Hot ‘n Funny Jokes & Videos

A man traveling at 130 mph on the interstate was stopped by highway police.
“Sorry, officer” said the driver, “was I driving too fast?”
“No, sir. You were flying too low.”

Two little skunks called In and Out were playing in the woods. Out went home, and his mother said, ?Where?s In? Go and get him, there?s a good boy.? So Out went back into
the woods and returned very shortly with his bother.
?That?s a good boy,? said Mother Skunk, ?how did you find him so quickly??
?Easy,? said the little skunk, ?In stunk??

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5,
Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the
first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral
lesson. “If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, ‘Let my
brother have the first pancake, I can wait.’”
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
“Ryan, you be Jesus!”

Two goats wandered into the junkyard and had a field day. One of them spent a particularly long time bent over a spool of film. When he was finished, the other goat came over. ?So, did you enjoy the film??
The goat replied, ?To tell you the truth, I liked the book better.?

A neutron walks into a bar. “I’d like a beer,” he says.
The bartender promptly serves up a beer.
“How much will that be?” asks the neutron.
“For you?” replies the bartender, “no charge

For all of you with teenagers or who had teenagers, you may want to know why they really have a lot in common with cats:
1. Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name.
2. No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot.
3. You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in his or her right mind wants to be seen in public with his or her parents.
4. Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end without moving, barely breathing.
5. Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry on as if they did.

The difference between men and women
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells, “PIG!”
The man immediately leans out his window and replies, “Stupid!”
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner he slams into a pig in the middle of the road.

A woman was sleeping in her bed when her husband crashing through the front door at 3 am waked her up. He staggered and tried to get up the stairs, ” what are you doing” she shouted, the husband replies ” I?m trying to get a gallon of beer up the stairs” “leave it down there” she bellowed “I cant” he replied ” I?ve drunk it”.

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A biology graduate student went to Borneo to take some samples for his thesis work. He flew there, found a guide with a canoe to take him up the river to the remote site he where he would make his collections. About noon on the second day of travel up the river they began to hear drums. Being a city boy by nature, the biologist was disturbed by this. He asked the guide, “What are those drums?” The guide turned to him and said, “Drums OK, but VERY BAD when they stop.”
Well the biologist settled down a little at this, and things went reasonably well for about two weeks. Then, just as they were packing up the camp to leave, the drums suddenly stopped! This hit the biologist like a ton of bricks (to coin a phrase), and he yelled at the guide,
“The Drums have stopped, what happens now?”
The guide crouched down, covered his head with his hands and said:
“Bass Solo”

Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.