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1. Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbow, just as if you were giving baby a bottle. Coo confidently, “That’s a nice kitty.” Drop pill into its mouth.?
2. Retrieve cat from top of lamp and pill from under sofa.?
3. Follow same procedure as in 1, but hold cat’s front paws down with left hand and back paws down with elbow of right arm. Poke pill into its mouth with right forefinger.?
4. Retrieve cat from under bed. Get new pill from bottle. (Resist impulse to get new cat.)?
5. Again proceed as in 1, except when you have cat firmly cradled in bottle-feeding position, sit down on edge of chair, fold your torso over cat, bring your right hand over your left elbow, open cat’s mouth by lifting the upper jaw and pop the pill in - quickly. Since your head is down by your knees, you won’t be able to see what you’re doing. That’s just as well.?
6. Leave cat hanging on drapes. Leave pill in your hair.?
7. If you’re a woman, have a good cry. If you’re a man, have a good cry.?
8. Now pull yourself together. Who’s the boss here anyway? Retrieve cat and pill. Assuming position 1, say sternly, “Who’s the boss here, anyway?” Open cat’s mouth, take pill and…Oops!?
9. This isn’t working, is it? Collapse and think. Aha! Those flashing claws are causing the chaos.?
10. Crawl to linen closet. Drag back large beach towel. Spread towel on floor.?
11. Retrieve cat from kitchen counter and pill from potted plant.?
12. Spread cat on towel near one end with its head over long edge.?
13. Flatten cat’s front and back legs over its stomach. (Resist impulse to flatten cat.)?
14. Roll cat in towel. Work fast; time and tabbies wait for no man or woman.?
15. Resume position 1. Rotate your left hand to cat’s head. Press its mouth at the jaw hinges like opening the petals of a snapdragon.?
16. Drop pill into cat’s mouth and poke gently. Voila! It’s done.?
17. Vacuum up loose fur (cat’s). Apply bandages to wounds (yours).?
18. Take two aspirins and lie down.?
19. Forget aspirin, drink glass of wine and lie down.?

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1.) What kind of animal hates to do it’s laundry the most?
A Leopard because he has so many spots.

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1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining the day is young,
we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside
worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I’ll replace any wiring
that’s not up to code.
3. Dachshund: You know I can’t reach that stupid lamp!
4. Rottweiler: Make me.
5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the
light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I?
Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
7. German Shepherd: I’ll change it as soon as I’ve led these
people from the dark, check to make sure I haven’t missed
any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no
one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
8. Jack Russell Terrier: I’ll just pop it in while I’m bouncing off the walls and furniture.
9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I’m sorry, but I don’t see a light bulb?
10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still mess on the carpet in the dark.
11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
12. Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there…
13. Greyhound: It isn’t moving. Who cares?
14. Australian Shepherd: First, I’ll put all the light bulbs in a little circle …
15. Poodle: I’ll just blow in the Border Collie’s ear and he’ll do it.
By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
The Cat’s Answer: “Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs.
So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?”
ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE
MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF.

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