Hot ‘n Funny Jokes & Videos

The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. “It will be waiting for you at the airport!” he was assured by his editor. As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, “Let’s go! Let’s go!” The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air. “Fly over the north side of the fire,” said the photographer, “and make three or four low level passes.” “Why?” asked the pilot. “Because I’m going to take pictures! I’m a photographer, and photographers take pictures!” said the photographer with great exasperation. After a long pause the pilot said, “You mean you’re not the instructor?”

#720
   

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. “Boss,” he says, “we’re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.”
“We’re short-handed, Smith,” the boss replies. “I can’t give you the day off.”
“Thanks, boss,” says Smith, “I knew I could count on you!”

Peter was telling a friend that he had just lost his job. ?
Why did the foreman fire you?? the friend asked in surprise.
?Oh,? Peter said, ?you know how foreman are. They stand around with their hands in their pockets watching everybody else work.?
?We all know that,? replied his friend. ?But why did he let you go??
?Jealousy,? answered Pete. ?All the other workers thought I was the foreman.?

Building Security has notified us that there have been 5 suspected terrorists working at our office. Four of the five have been apprehended. Bin Sleeping, Bin Loafing, Bin Gossiping, and Bin Surfing have been taken into custody. Security advised us that they could find no one fitting the description of the fifth cell member, Bin Working, in the office. Police are confident that anyone who looks like Bin Working will be very easy to spot. They thought they had apprehended Bin Working sitting at a desk, but it was actually Bin Surfing trying to impersonate Bin Working.

#1912
   

A voice on the office loudspeaker announced: “We will be
testing the speaker system to make sure it will work
properly in case of emergency.”

All our confidence in this safety precaution faded when the
voice added: “If you are unable to hear this announcement,
please contact us.”

How is your new job at the factory?? One guy asked another.
?I?m not going back there.?
Why not??
?For many reasons,? he answered. ?The sloppiness, the shoddy workmanship, the awful language ? they just couldn?t put up with it.

A history teacher and his wife were sitting at a table, the wife asked ?Anything new at work?, and he replied”, no, I am teaching History”.

#8200
   

A woman was waiting in the checkout line at a shopping center. Her arms were laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her actions and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in an extreme hurry, and was not happy about the slowness of the line.?
When the cashier called for a price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked indignantly, “Well, I’ll be lucky to get out of here and home before Easter!”?
“Don’t worry, ma’am,” replied the clerk. “With that wind kicking up out there and that brand new broom, you’ll be home in no time.”?

A man was sitting at an interview, in his new suit, looking his very best. As he put his hands down to make a point, he and his interviewer noticed the price tag was still attached to the sleeve. “Well”, the man said, “at least I can take the suit back if I don’t get the job.

#9373
   

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted,? Excuse me, can you help? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour
ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The woman below replied, “You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.”

“You must be an engineer,” said the balloonist.

“I am,” replied the woman. “How did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of you, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help so far.”

The woman below responded, “You must be in management.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” said the woman, “you don’t know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault!”