Hot ‘n Funny Jokes & Videos

Earl and Bob, both obsessed with baseball, never missed their favorite team?s game. They promised, whoever died first, and went to heaven, would come back to earth and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven. One day, Earl died. Bob waited for him to come back. Finally Earl did. He said to Bob. “I have good news and bad news. I’ll tell you the good news first. There is baseball in heaven.” Bob said, “That?s the best news!” Then Earl said, time for the bad news….?You’re pitching tomorrow night.”

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A football coach had a star quarterback who was as dumb as a post. The only way the kid could stay on the team would be to pass all his classes, which was impossible. All his teachers agreed to go easy on him except for one, his math teacher. The coach begged the math teacher to not fail the kid. The math teacher agreed to give the boy an oral exam which, if he passed, would count for class credit. The coach came to the exam to support his star athlete. The math teacher asked only one question for the exam: “What is two plus two?”
“Four,” the athlete answered.
The football coach went into a panic and yelled, “Give him another chance! Just one more chance!”

Two golfers met at the club. “I heard about your terrible tragedy last week,” said one.
“Yes,” said the other sadly, sipping his drink. “I was playing a two-some with Winthrop, and he dropped dead on the ninth hole.”
“I understand you carried him all the way back to the clubhouse too,” the first man said sympathetically. “That must have been very difficult, considering Winthrop weighed over two hundred and fifty pounds.”
“The carrying wasn’t that hard. It was putting him down at every stroke, then picking him up again that wore me out.”

Preacher decides to skip Sunday services and go to the golf course to hit a few…
When he gets there, he discovers there isn’t anybody else around, and he has the entire course to himself..
But he does have witnesses…Seems God and Jesus are keeping an eye on him, and they don’t approve of his church hooky-playing..
“Look at that guy,” Jesus says, “He should be in church instead of out there. C’mon, Dad, let me hit him with a lightning bolt or something.”
“No,” God says, “I’ve something else in mind for him. Watch what happens when he makes his next shot.”
Guy sets up a ball, drives it off the tee-It sails 200 yards and lands squarely in the hole.
“What kind of punishment is that, Dad?!” Jesus yells, “That has to be one of the greatest golf shots in history!!”
“That’s right, son, indeed it is….and because he’s alone, he can’t tell anyone about it.”

Q: Why did the football coach go to the bank?
A: To get his quarter-back!

A man takes his son tiger hunting. They?re creeping through the weeds and the man says, ?Son, this hunt marks your passage into manhood. Do you have any questions? And the boy says, ?Yes, if the tiger kills you, how do I get home??

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This was one of my dad’s favorite jokes:
Emmitt Smith died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gates, St. Peter was waiting for him and issued Emmitt an invitation to play for the HFL- the heaven football league. Emmitt thought about it for a minute and said, “Sure!”
As they walked out to the field, there was a game in progress. Emmitt was stunned. There were a lot of ex-NFL players out on that field. But what he found to be strange was that the jerseys didn’t have any numbers. Instead they had letters on them. So he turned around and questioned St. Peter about the numbers. St. Peter chuckled and told him, “Up here we don’t need numbers. The letters stand for the position they are playing, QB is for quarterback, WR is for wide receiver and so on.” Emmitt smile and nodded his head. But as he gazed around the sidelines, he got a perplexed look on his face. On the other side of the field, there was a man wearing a jersey that had the letters TL. “St. Peter, as you know, I played football many years with the Dallas Cowboys and I am familiar with all the positions. But in all my years I have never seen the position of TL.” St. Peter laughed and said, “Oh yeah, I forgot. That’s just God, he likes to pretend that he is Tom Landry.”

Did you hear about the politically correct country club?
They no longer refer to their golfers as having handicaps.
Instead they’re “stroke challenged”

A young man, who was also an avid golfer, found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured that if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old man to join him.
To his surprise, the old man played fairly quickly. He didn’t hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn’t waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball and directly between his ball and the green. After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot, the old man finally said, “You know, when I was your age, I’d hit the ball right over that tree.”
With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.
The old man offered one more comment, “Of course, when I was your age, that pine tree was only 3 feet tall.”

4 baseball fans want to show their teams that they’re each the biggest fans in the world, so they decide to climb the biggest mountain they can find. The first one to the top is a Braves fan, and he says, “I’m the biggest fan in the world! This is for you Braves!” and he jumps off. The second one to the top is a Mets fan and he says, “I love you more than anything Mets, this is for you!” and he jumps off. The last 2 people who get to the top get there at the same time. One is a Red Sox fan and one is a Yankee fan. When they’re both standing at the top together, the Red Sox fan says, “This on is for all baseball fans everywhere!” And the Red Sox fan pushes the Yankee fan off.

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