Hot ‘n Funny Jokes & Videos

The National Football League recently announced a new era. From now on, no offensive team names will be permitted. While the owners of the team rush to change uniforms and such, the National Football League announced, yesterday, its name changes and schedules for the ‘99 season:
The Washington Native Americans will host the New York Very Tall People on opening day. Other key games include the Dallas Western-Style Laborers hosting the St. Louis Wild Endangered Species, and the Minnesota Plundering Norsemen taking on the Green Bay Meat Industry Workers.
In Week 2, there are several key matchups, highlighted by the showdown between the San Francisco Precious Metal Enthusiasts and the New Orleans Pretty Good People. The Atlanta Birds of Prey will play host to the Philadelphia Birds of Prey.
The Monday night game will pit the Miami Pelagic Percoid Food Fishes against the Denver Untamed Beasts of Burden. The Cincinnati Large Bangladeshi Carnivorous Mammals will travel to Tampa Bay for a clash with the West Indies Free Booters later in Week 9. And the Detroit Large Carnivorous Cats will play the Chicago Large Mountain Mammals.
Week 9 also features the Indianapolis Young Male Horses at the New England Zealous Lovers of Country.

Dad: “What happened to your eye?”
Tom: “I was staring at a ball from afar, and I was wondering why it was getting bigger and bigger. Then, it hit me.”

A hunting party is hopelessly lost. ?I thought you said you were the best guide in Maine!? one of the hunters angrily said to their confused leader.
?I am, ?replied the guide. ?But I think we?re in Canada now.?

At a divorce court a family of bears is waiting for the judge to grant custody of little bear.
The judge asks the baby bear; ?do you want to live with papa bear?? The baby bear replied; “No he beats me. ” The judge asked, so do you want to live with mommy bear! The baby bear said, “No she beats me too.” The judge asked, “Then whom do you want to live with?” The baby bear says, “The Chicago bears, they don’t beat anyone!”

A man playing golf by himself at Pebble Beach was teamed with a twosome. After a few holes, the twosome finally asked why he was playing such a beautiful course by himself. He replied that he & his wife had played the course every year for over 20 years, but this year she had passed away and he kept the tee time in her memory. The twosome commented that they thought certainly someone would have been willing to take her spot. “So did I” he said, “but they all wanted to go to the funeral”

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A group of friends who went deer hunting separated into pairs for the day.
That night, one hunter returned alone, staggering under an eight-point buck.
?Where is Harry?? asked another hunter.
?He fainted a couple miles up the trail,? Harry?s partner answered.
?You left hi lying there alone and carried the deer back??
?A tough call,? said the hunter. ?But I figured no one is going to steal Harry

A guy took his girl friend to her first Longhorn football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. “Oh, I really liked it,” she replied,
“Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”
Dumbfounded, her date asked, “What do you mean?”
“Well, I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: get the quarterback. Get the quarterback! It?s only 25 cents!

First golfer: ?I have the greatest golf ball in the world. You can?t lose it.?
Second golfer: ?How so??
First golfer: ?If you hit it into the sand, it beeps. You hit it into the water, it floats.
If you want to play golf at night it glows.?
Second golfer: ?Hey, sounds good. Where did you get it??
First golfer: ?I found it in the woods.?

What’s your handicap these days?” one golfer asked another.
“I’m a scratch golfer…I write down all my good scores and
scratch out all my bad ones.”

A game warden noticed how a particular fellow named Sam consistently caught more fish than anyone else. When the other guys would only catch three or four a day, Sam would come in off the lake with a boat full. The warden asked Sam his secret. The successful fisherman invited the game warden to accompany him and observe.?
So, the next morning the two men met at the boat dock and took off in Sam’s boat. When they got to the middle of the lake, Sam stopped the boat, and the warden sat back to see how it was done. Sam’s approach was simple. He took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the air. The explosion rocked the lake with such a force that dead fish immediately began to surface. Sam took out a net and started scooping them up. Well, you can imagine the reaction of the game warden. When he recovered from the shock of it all, he began yelling at Sam, “You can’t do this! I’ll put you in jail, buddy! You will be paying every fine there is in the book!”?
Meanwhile, Sam set his net down and took out another stick of dynamite. He lit it and tossed it in the lap of the warden with these words, “Are ya gonna sit there all day complaining, or are ya going to fish?”?