Hot ‘n Funny Jokes & Videos

 A guy goes golfing with his girlfriend. As he tees off, she steps into ladies’ teebox and gets hit in the head with his drive. She is pronounced D.O.A. and taken to the morgue.
The coroner calls him in and says, “She definitely died from a blow to the head caused by the golf ball. But the only thing we can’t understand is why was there a golf ball in her rectum?”

“Oh,” he replies, “that must have been my mulligan.”

A fisherman accidentally left his day?s catch under the seat of a bus. The next evening?s newspaper carried an ad: ?If the person who left a bucket of fish on the No. 47 bus would care to come to the garage, he can have the bus.?

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There is a guy who wants to go ice fishing, so he goes to the ice and cuts a hole in it.
He hears, “THERE ARE NO FISH IN HERE.”
He leaves and goes to another spot on the ice.
He hears, “THERE ARE NO FISH IN HERE.”
Baffled, the guy asks, “Is this God?”
The voice responds, “No, this is the announcer!”

My bother is a professional boxer.?
?Heavyweight??
?No, featherweight. He tickles his opponents to death.?

Q: Why did your mom bring a spoon to the super-bowl?
A: She wanted to eat it all!!

Mike Tyson’s new slogans:

If you can’t Fight Them !
Bite Them !

If you can’t Beat Them !
Eat Them !

Stranger: Catch any fish?
Fisherman: Did I! I took 25 out of this stream this morning.
Stranger: Do you know who I am? I?m the game warden.
Fisherman: Do you know who I am? I?m the biggest liar in the country.

Q: What?s the hardest part about skydiving
A: The ground.

At the first hole on a golf course, a man tees off and hits a hard drive, but the ball hooks badly and goes off the course entirely. The man figures it’s a lost ball, puts another ball down and starts again. He plays nine holes when a policeman comes up to him:
“Sir, did you lose a ball a while back?”
“Yes, I did. Why?”
“Well, sir, I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news for you. You see, your ball struck a cyclist, causing him to swerve right into the path of an oncoming bus. The bus hit the cyclist and then rammed head-on into a truck coming from the opposite direction. At the moment the casualties are twenty-one dead and we don’t know how many injured.”
The man says, “Oh, this is dreadful!…. I … I had no idea…. is there anything I can do?”
“Well, sir, the next time you want to hold the club a little more to the right, like this…”

After Florida coach Steve Spurrior passes away and enters the Pearly Gates, God takes him on a tour. He shows Steve a little 2-bedroom house with a faded UF banner hanging from the front porch. “This is your home, Coach. Most people don’t get their own house up here,” God exclaims.

Little Stevie looks at the house, then turns around and looks at the one sitting on the top of the hill. It’s a huge two-story mansion with white marble columns and little patios under all of the windows. LSU flags line both sides of the sidewalk with a huge purple and gold LSU banner hanging between the marble columns.

“Thanks for the home, God, but let me ask you a question. I get this little 2 bedroom house with a faded Florida banner, and Nick Saban gets a mansion
with new LSU banners and flags flying all over the place. Why is that?”

God looks at him seriously for a moment and then replies, “That’s not Saban?s house, that’s mine!!!!!”