Hot ‘n Funny Jokes & Videos

One day there was this old man that was walking down the road. About a mile down the road he heard sirens and a police officer was behind him. So he stops and the cop gets out of his car and asked the man why he was walking with one foot on the curb and the man said, ” O, thank God I thought I was cripple”

#4237
   

A rookie was calling up his station on his pocket radio.
?I?m outside the Plaza Mall,? he reported. ?A man has been robbed
I?ve got one them.?
?Which one?? asked the operator.
?The one that was robbed.?

A traffic cop pulled over a speeding motorist and asked, “Do you have any ID?”
The motorist replied, “About what?”

One night, while on foot patrol, a Police officer approached a local bar. Through the door stumbled a drunk who promptly fell on his backside. He lay on the ground with his eyes closed. Upon opening his eyes, he sees the Officer looking down at him.
He says,”Osifer, did you see me fall!”
The Officer says,”Yeah, I did.”
The drunk asks, ?Do you know who I am?”
“Nope.” Comes the reply.
“Well,? says the drunk, ?Then how do you know it was me that fell?”

Speed Trap?
A Police officer had been told by his sergeant that he was to bring up his quota of speeding fines, he decided to park and use his radar gun flashing the cars as they drove by on a busy street.?
Well one hour went by then two and no one was speeding. After about six hours a lone car came speeding by at well over the limit, the officer turned on his lights and siren and pulled the car over. As the officer approached the drivers window he remarked “I’ve been waiting for you all day” and the driver replied, “Well I got here as fast as I could”?

A man was pulled over for speeding down the highway, the officer came to the drivers window and said, “Sir, may I see your drivers license and registration?” The man said, “Well officer I don’t have a license, it was taken away for a DUI.” The officer, in surprise, said,” What, do you have a registration for the vehicle?” So the man replied, “No sir, the car is not mine I stole it, but I am pretty sure I say a registration card in the glove box when I put the gun in it.” The officer stepped back, “There is a gun in the glove box?!?” The man sighed and said, “Yes sir, I used to kill the woman who owns the car before I stuffed her in the trunk.” The officer steps toward the back of the car and says,” Sir do not move, I am calling for backup.” The officer calls for backup and about ten minutes another highway patrolman arrives. He walks up to the window slowly and asks the man for his driver?s license and registration. The man said,” Yes officer here it right here.” It all checked out so the officer said,” Is there a gun in the glove box sir?” The man laughs and says,” No officer why would there be a gun in the glove box.” He opened the glove box and showed him that there was no gun. The second officer asked him to open the trunk because he had reason to believe that there was a body in it. The man agrees and opens the trunk, no dead body. The second officer says, “Sir I do not understand, the officer that pulled you over said that you did not have a license, the car was stolen, there was a gun in the glove box, and a dead body in the trunk.” The mans looks the officer in the eyes and says, “Yeah and I’ll bet he said I was speeding too.”

#1082
   

A man was in a hurry to meet his friend down at the nearby lake. On the way down there, he was stopped by a man fully dressed in red. The man pulled over, and the red man asked, “Hi, I’m the red jerk of the highway. Have anything to eat?” The man smiled and handed him a sandwich. He continued down the highway and was yet again pulled over by a man fully dressed in green. He stopped and the guy in green said, “Hi, I’m the green jerk of the highway. Have anything to drink?” Without smiling, the man handed the green guy his coke. He started off again and started to speed down the highway. Yet again he was stopped by a guy fully dressed in blue. Sighing, he pulled over and pulled down his window, leant out and said, “Let me guess. You’re the blue jerk of the highway. What do you want?” “Registration and license please” came the reply.

#1099
   

A man steals paintings from a museum and gets a few blocks away, runs out of gas and the cops catch him. When asked what happened he replied…”I didn?t have enough Monet to pay for Degas to make the Van Gogh!!!!

#7476
   

Policeman: “Did you get the license number of the car that knocked you down?”
Pedestrian: “No, but I know who it was. My mother-in-law!”
Policeman: “How can you be so certain?”
Pedestrian: “I?d recognize that laugh anywhere!”

The policeman was interviewing the man whose store had jus been robbed.
?It?s bad,? said the owner, ?but it?s not as bad as it would have been if he?d robbed me yesterday.?
?Why is that?? the policeman asked
?Because today everything was on sale.?