Hot ‘n Funny Jokes & Videos

A man traveling at 130 mph on the interstate was stopped by highway police.
“Sorry, officer” said the driver, “was I driving too fast?”
“No, sir. You were flying too low.”

A man gets this real fast sports car and hes is flying down the road at about 80 mph. After a couple miles a cop pulls out on to the road and turns on his siren. The man pulls over and waits for the officer to give him a ticket. The officer comes up to his car and says “I have been waiting for you all day”.
The man says “Well I got here as fast I could”.

One bright day in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other, drew their knives and shot each other. A deaf policeman heard the noise. Came and killed those two dead boys. If you don’t believe this lie is true, just ask the blind man he saw it too!!!

#685
   

Officer: Do you know why I stopped you, son?
Driver: Cause you thought I had some doughnuts?

Three guys witness a murder; the only problem is they each say only one thing. The first guy says, “Mememememe.” The second guy says, “Forks and knifes.” And the third guy says, “Goody, goody gumdrops.”
When the policeman gets there, he asks, “Who killed this man?” The first guy replies, “Memememememe.” Then the policeman asks, “What did you kill him with?” The second guy replies, “Forks and knifes. Forks and knifes.” Then the policeman says, “That’s it! You’re all going to jail.” The third guy says, “Goody, goody gumdrops!”

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
“You’ll get your chance in court,” said the Desk Sergeant.
“No, no, no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!”

I stopped a drunk driver, and asked him to walk the white line. He said I?m not drunk. I’ll walk that wire fence over there. I said ok, and he climbed onto the fence took a couple steps, and fell inside the fence. A large bull with huge horns butted him, he grabbed the horns, and they went around for several minutes. The bull finally threw him into the road, and he got up looked at me and said, “See I told you I wasn’t drunk if I was I would have taken that bicycle away from that fellow”.

#1322
   

A fellow is trying out his new sports car; driving at 80 mph he sees a state patrol car in his mirror; he drives faster to 95 mph…the police car is right behind him; brings it up to 110 mph and the police car is right on his tail…finally, he stops; the trooper comes up to his car as asks “what’s your story” the trooper continues; every time I stop someone going as fast as you were, they have some kind of story. He tells the trooper; “actually, I have a story but you wouldn’t believe it” the trooper says “try me”…He then tells the trooper: “three months ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper…I thought you were him bringing her back!!

#680
   

A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time.?
Driving up beside her, he says, “Pull over!” “No,” she shouts back, “a pair of socks!”

We’ve all been lost and depended on our wives to act as navigator.
Well, not long ago, Mrs. Jim Jr., her face buried in a map book, said “Turn here!” I did, and didn’t notice the “No Left Turn” sign. Just my luck, a policeman was nearby and stopped me. I tried to explain that we were lost and I was following my wife’s directions.
He issued me a ticket for “Driving Under the Influence of Wife.”