Hot ‘n Funny Jokes & Videos

There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field, rowing a boat with no water in sight.

The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, “What do you think you’re doing? It’s things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I’d come out there and kick your butt!”

“The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.”
“And did he?”
“Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill.”

A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds.
His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”
The frog is thrilled, “This is great! Will I meet her at a party?” he croaks.
“No,” says the psychic, “in biology class.”

THE CAT:
One day, a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven, where he meets the Lord Himself.
The Lord says to the cat, “You lived a good life, and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more comfortable, please let me know.”
The cat thinks for a moment and says, “Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor.”
The Lord stops the cat and says, “Say no more,” and a wonderful, fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident, and all of them go to heaven.
Again, the Lord is there to greet them with the same offer.
The mice answer, “All our lives we have been chased.
We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms.
Running, running, running; we’re tired of running.
Do you think we could have roller skates so that we don’t have to run anymore?”
The Lord says, “Say no more” and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.
Week later, the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow.
The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, “How are things since you got here?”
The cat stretches and yawns, then replies, “It is wonderful here.
Better than I could have ever expected. And those ‘Meals On Wheels’ you’ve been sending by are the best!”

A teacher said to her student, “Billy, if both of your parents were born in 1967, how old are they now?”
After a few moments, Billy answered, “It depends.”
“It depends on what?” she asked.
“It depends on whether you ask my father or my mother.”

Ham and eggs: a day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, “Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.”
The mother exclaimed, “But that’s terrible! I’m going to have a talk with your teacher about this … by the way, what was it that you didn’t do?”
The little girl replied, “My homework.”

John who was not very well paid, yet who had several children learned a distressing piece of news from his wife Linda. The next morning he called his insurance agent to ask a weighty question, to which the insurance agent replied, ?No, John, Linda?s pregnancy is not covered by your accident policy.?

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A fisherman accidentally left his day?s catch under the seat of a bus. The next evening?s newspaper carried an ad: ?If the person who left a bucket of fish on the No. 47 bus would care to come to the garage, he can have the bus.?

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A Cub Scout trop was half an hour late to its den meeting. The den mother asked them severely, ?Why are you so late??
?Oh,? said one boy, ?we were helping an old man cross the street.?
?That?s a nice thing for scouts to do,? said the mother. She paused. ?But it shouldn?t make you half an hour late.?
?Well, you see,? said another boy, ?he didn?t want to go.?