Hot ‘n Funny Jokes & Videos

Patient: “What are the chances of my recovering doctor?”
Doctor: “One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten
people die of the disease you have. “Yours is the tenth case I’ve treated;
the others all died.”

A man walked into a doctor’s office and the receptionist asked him what he had. He replied, “I got shingles.”
She said, “Fill out this form and supply your name, address, medical insurance number. When you’re done, please take a seat.”
Fifteen minutes later a nurse’s aide came out and asked him what he had. He said, “I got shingles.”
So she took down his height, weight, and complete medical history, then said, “Change into this gown and wait in the examining room.”
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked him what he had. He said, “I got shingles.”
So she gave him a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told him to wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and asked him what he had. He said, “Shingles.”
The doctor gave him a full-cavity examination, and then said, “I just checked you out thoroughly, and I can’t find shingles anywhere. ” The man replied, “They’re outside in the truck. Where do you want them?”

Doctor: What?s wrong with your bother?
Boy: He thinks he is a chicken.
Doctor: really? How long has this been going on?
Boy: Five years.
Doctor: Five years!
Boy: We would have brought him in earlier, but we needed the eggs.

A man walks into a doctor?s office with a stick of celery in one ear, a carrot in the other and a grape up his nose. Confused, the man asks: “Doctor what’s wrong with me?” The doctor looks at the man and replies: “You’re not eating properly!”

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A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doc., everytime I drink coffee, I get terrible pains in my eye.”
The doctor says, “Try taking the spoon out first.”

Patient: Doctor, doctor I think I swallowed a spoon!
Doctor: Just sit patiently and try not to stir

Eight men have been at a mental hospital for a period of time and are being tested to find out how they are progressing in order for them to leave the institution. The doctor in charge takes them all into a room and with a ball pen draws a door on the wall and asks each one of them to try and open the door for him as part of the tests. Seven of them rushed out and attempted to open the door on the wall. The doctor was disappointed with the results but never the less call on the last one who was still sitting down and asked him why didn?t he stand up and try to open the door with the others. The eighth man replied: ?because I was holding the key to the door?

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After many sessions the psychiatrist says to his patient: Congratulations, Sir, you are cured. The patient says: Some cure. Before I was Alexander the Great. Now I?m nobody.

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A man walks into the psychiatrist?s office with a zucchini up his nose, a cucumber in his left ear, and a breadstick in his right ear. He says, ?What is wrong with me?
The psychiatrist replies, ?You are not eating properly.?

Doctor: You need Glasses
Patient: How did you know?
Doctor: I could tell, when you walk through the window!