Hot ‘n Funny Jokes & Videos

Somehow we always think we are aging at a slower rate than everyone else, this was true of this older woman who is seeing a doctor for the first time.

She was taken into a room and told to ?make herself comfortable.? While reading the doctor’s diploma on the wall, she realizes that she went to high school with him many years ago.
The doctor enters the room; he is very gray, and slightly bent over from old age, and says ?hello, how can I help you??
The woman asks; ?Did you attend Roosevelt High School??
?Yes I did?, the doctor answered.
She asks: ?Class of 49?? ?Yes I was?, was the answered.
The woman was delighted, and said: ?You were in my class!?
The doctor responded: ?What did you teach??

Patient: Nurse, I keep seeing spots in front t of my eyes.
Nurse: Have you seen a doctor?
Patient: No, just spots.

A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. He hasn’t been feeling well and wants to find out if he’s ill. After the checkup the doctor comes out with the results of the examination. “I’m afraid I have some bad news. You’re dying and you don’t have much time,” the doctor says.”Oh no, that’s terrible. How long have I got?” the man asks.
“10…” says the doctor.”
10? 10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!” he asks desperately.”10…9…8…7…”

Things Not to Hear During Surgery,Part I I Could you stop that thing from beating? It’s throwing my concentration off..
What’s this doing here?
I hate it when they’re missing stuff in here.
That’s cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!
I wish I hadn’t forgotten my glasses.
Well folks, this will be an experiment for us all.
Sterile, shcmerile. The floor’s clean, right?
Anyone see where I left that scalpel?
This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?
Don’t worry. I think it is sharp enough.
FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out now!!
Darn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed with what he can do. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the town grouch. So Mr. Smith went to this ‘miracle doctor’ to prove that he wasn’t anybody special. So he goes and tells the doctor, “Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can’t taste nothin’, so what are ya goin to do?”
The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tells Mr. Smith, “What you need is jar number 43.”
Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders. So the doctor brings the jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it. He tastes it and immediately spits it out, “This is gross!” he yells.
“I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith,” says the doctor.
So Mr. Smith goes home very mad. One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, “Doc,” he starts, “I can’t remember!”
Thinking he got the doctor, the doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little and tells Mr. Smith, “What you need is jar number 43…”
Before the doctor finished his sentence, Mr. Smith fled the town.

-A man goes to the dentist and says:
-My teeth are kind of yellow, what do you recommend?
-A brown tie!!!

A man goes to see his doctor because of a problem he is having concerning his memory. The man tells the doctor “I have been having lots of problems remembering things that happened in the past couple of hours, you know, my short term memory.” The doctor replies “How long has this been going on?? The puzzled man looks back at the doctor and says “How long has what been going on?”

#12495
   

Things Not to Hear During Surgery,Part I Darn, there go the lights again…
Ya know, there’s big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy’s got two of ‘em.
Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
Better save that. We’ll need it for the autopsy.
Someone call the janitor - we’re going to need a mop.
Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what’s that?
Hand me that….uh….that uh….thingie.
Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?

A man visits his doctor and says, doctor, I keep seeing green Martians before my eyes.
The doctor asks have you seen a psychiatrist?
The patient says, “No Only green Martians!”

A man consults a therapist and states, ?Doc, I?m suicidal. What should I do??
The doctor replies, ?Pay in advance.?