Hot ‘n Funny Jokes & Videos

“The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.”
“And did he?”
“Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill.”

A woman was rushed into the hospital in an ambulance as she was just about to give birth to twins. At the hospital the lady was in such pain she had to be sedated. A couple of hours after the babies had been delivered, she woke up and asked to see her children. “Doctor, could you bring my babies to me so I can name them?” The doctor replied, “You don’t need to worry about names, your brother has already named the “Why did you let him name them, he has no sense! What did he call the little girl then?” “De-nise!” replied the doctor. “Oh that?s not too bad, I thought u were going to tell me he’d named her something awful! So what did he call the little boy?” “De-nephew, of course!”

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While giving a physical the doctor noticed that his patient?s shins were covered with dark bruises.
?Tell me,? said the doctor, ?do you play hockey or soccer?? ?Neither,? said the man. ?My wife and I play bridge.?

A Man rushed into a doctor’s office, jumped on his back, and started screaming, “One! Two! Three! Four!” “Wait a minute!” yelled the doctor, trying to get free. ?What do you think you’re doing?” The man said, “Well doctor, they did say I could count on you!”

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A new nurse listened while the doctor was yelling, “Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!”?
The new nurse asked another nurse, “Why is he doing that?”?
The other nurse replied, “Oh, he just likes to call the shots around here.”

His pediatrician asked six-year-old Johnny, who watched a good many TV, adds, just to make conversation. Johnny, if you found a couple of dollars and had to spend them, what would you buy??
?A box of Tampax,? he replied without hesitation.
?Tampax?? said the doctor. ?What would you do with that??
?Well,? said Johnny, ?I do not know exactly, but it?s sure worth two dollars.
With tampax, it says on TV, you can go swimming, go horseback riding, and also go skating, any time you want to.?

This guy went to see a highly recommend psychiatrist. The doctor showed the man an inkblot and asked, “What does this remind you of?”

The guy replied, “A naked woman.” Then the shrink showed the man another inkblot and asked the guy the same question. The guy responded, “A naked woman on a bed.” This went on and on, inkblot after inkblot.

The psychiatrist finally said to the guy, “You are a sick pervert.” The guy replied, “I’m not the pervert here. You’re the one who keeps showing me all those dirty pictures.”

A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
“Where are you hurting?” asked the doctor.”You have to help me, I hurt all over”, said the woman.
“What do you mean, all over?” asked the doctor, “be a little more specific.”
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, “Ow, that hurts.” Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, “Ouch! That hurts, too.” Then she touched her right earlobe, “Ow, even THAT hurts”, she cried. The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis, “You have a broken finger.”

This woman, who believed in natural birth, was having these abnormal contractions, went to see her Doctor. “Doc”, she said, “I’m feeling these abnormal contractions”. The Doctor took a listen, and said: “My dear lady, you?re going to be having triplets!” Baffled, the woman asked: “How can you tell?” The Doctor responded: “I hear inside: “No, you go first!” “No, you go first!” No, you go first!”

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What do you call an anesthesiologist who shows up for work wearing a rabbit suit?
An ether bunny!