Hot ‘n Funny Jokes & Videos

Married life is boring. The first year of marriage, the husband does the talking and the wife listens. The second year, the wife talks and the husband listen. And, finally, starting the third year, they both talk and the neighbors do the listening.

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A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up.”Oh, we’ll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship,” the wife explained. “He was a communications major in college, and I majored in theater arts.
He communicates really well, and I just act like I’m listening.”

Three men were sitting on a bench in heaven discussing how they died. The first man said “I died of cancer.” The second man said, “I died of Tuberculosis”. The third man said “I died of seenus”. The first two men said, “No, you mean sinus.” The third man said “No, I mean seenus. I was out with my best friend’s wife and he seen us!”

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An American couple visiting in a German village stepped into a small shop to look for souvenirs. The woman sneezed.
“Gesundheit” said the clerk.
“Charles,” said the American woman to her husband, “we’re in luck. There’s somebody here who speaks English.”

A widower who never paid any attention to his wife while she was alive now found himself missing her desperately. He went to a psychic to see if he could contact his late wife. The psychic went into a trance. A strange breeze wafted through the darkened room, and suddenly, the man heard the unmistakable voice of his dearly departed wife. “Honey!” he cried. “Is that you?” “Yes, my husband.” “Are you happy?” “Yes, my husband.” “Happier than you were with me?” “Yes, my husband.” “Then Heaven must be an amazing place!” “I’m not in Heaven, dear.”

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A couple walking in the park noticed a young man and woman sitting on a bench, passionately kissing.
“Why don’t you do that?” said the wife.
“Honey,” replied her husband, “I don’t even know that woman!”

When a woman got married she put a shoebox in the closet and told her husband not to open it. After over 50 years of marriage she was dying and told him to open the box. When he opened it there were 2 doilies and 85,000.00$ He ask why this was in the box. She replied ?when I got married my mother told me to crochet a doily every time I got mad at you. He smile thinking she was only mad twice and ask what the $85,000.00 was. She replied that’s the money from selling the doilies.

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After dating a young lady for some time a young man decides it is time to marry her.
He proceeds with all the necessary plans and finally the day comes.
On the day of the wedding the young man has yet to pay the pastor for performing the ceremony. However the pastor has a plan.
The service proceeds as planned the vows are exchanged etc. Now it is time for the groom to kiss his bride. The pastor sees this as the perfect opportunity to ask to be paid. He pulls the young man aside and asks him. Can you please pay me?
Not wanting to create a seen the young man asked. How much do I owe you?
The pastor thinks quickly and replies, pay me according to your wife’s beauty.
The young man discretely pulled out five dollars and gave it to the pastor.
Although annoyed by this, the pastor continues the ceremony and says; you may now kiss the bride. At this point the veil is lifted from the brides face to allow the groom to kiss her. As the groom is about to kiss his new bride the pastor interrupts and promptly hand the groom four dollars and fifty cents.

Wife: Let?s go out and have some fun tonight.
Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hall light on.

Stumpy Grinder and his wife Martha were from Portland, Maine. Every year they went to the Portland Fair and every year Stumpy said, “Ya know, Mahtha, I’d like ta get a ride in that theah aihplane.” And every year, Martha would say “I know, Stumpy, but that aihplane ride costs ten dollahs .. and ten dollahs is ten dollahs.”?
So one year Stumpy says, “By Jeebers, Mahtha, I’m 71 yeahs old, and if I don’t go this time I may nevah go.” Martha replies, “Stumpy, that there aihplane ride is ten dollahs … and ten dollahs is ten dollahs.”?
So the pilot overhears then and says, “Folks, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say ONE WORD, then I won’t charge you. But just ONE WORD and it’s ten dollars.”?
They agree and up they go… the pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does it one more time, and there is still no word… so he lands.?
He turns to Stumpy as they come to a stop and says, “By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to holler out, but you didn’t.”?
And Stumpy replies “Well, I was gonna say something when Mahtha fell out … but ten dollahs is ten dollahs.”?