Hot ‘n Funny Jokes & Videos

Two elderly ladies meet at the market after not seeing each other for some time. One asked how the other’s husband was doing. “Oh! Rodger died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped dead right there in the vegetable patch.”
“Oh dear, I’m sorry,” replied her friend, “What did you do?”?
“Opened a can of peas instead.”

The old man approached a young stranger in the post office and asked, “Sir, would you address this postcard for me?” The man gladly did so, and then offered to write a short note for the old fellow. Finally the stranger asked, “Now, is there anything else I can do for you?” The old man thought a moment and said, “Yes, at the end could you add, Please excuse the sloppy handwriting.”

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An elderly couple is getting ready for bed. She says Oh I am just so hungry for ice cream and there isn’t any in the house.” He says, ” I’ll go get some.” She says, “Vanilla with chocolate sauce, with whipped cream on top and a cherry.” She adds, “Please write it down, I know you’ll forget.” He says,” I won’t forget. Vanilla with chocolate sauce, whipped cream, and a cherry.”
Away he goes. Hours later he comes back and hands her a paper bag. “In it is a “HAM SANDWICH”. She says,? I told you to write it down! You forgot the mustard.”

?Doc!? the man yells. I?ve lost my memory!?
?Calm down, sir. When did this happen.?
The man looked at him. ?When did what happen??

Matilda and Rosie were chatting one day. Matilda had recently moved to a retirement home. Rosie asked, ?Matilda, how do like your new home??
?Oh, I love it,? answered Matilda. ?there?s so much to do, and no burdens of cooking a cleaning.? ?I?m not sure I?d like it,? Rosie said. ?I understand there are hardly any men at these places.?
?Oh, indeed there are,? said Matilda. ?There?s Will Power, and Charlie Horse, and (whispering) you can even go to bed with Arthur It is. And, if you don?t like them, there?s Ben Gay.?

The elderly couple stood before the family court judge after a lengthy divorce trial. The judge addressed the woman who was seventy-five years old, “So, Mrs. C., after 50 years of marriage, love tears, babies, grandbabies, birthdays, sicknesses and joys, why now do you want to divorce Mr. C.?” Mrs.C. looked at her husband and then at the judge and replied to the judge, “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!”

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?What are you learning at school now, Sue? Asked her Granny.
?French, German, and we?ve just started Algebra.?
?Really?? said the old lady, impressed. ?I used to learn French and German but
I have never heard anyone speak Algebra.?

One day an old lady and an old man were sitting on their porch when the old lady says “Hey pa, why don’t you run down to the restaurant and get us some ice cream.” Pa said, “Ok I will go right now.” Ma told him that she had better write it down for him, because he always forgets. He said no he would be fine, so off he went to the restaurant. When he got back he handed her a hamburger and she said “Dang it pa, I knew you would forget, I told you to get mustard on mine!”

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?I see you?re losing your hair.?
?Nonsense. I know exactly where it is ? down the bathroom sink.?

Mr. and Mrs. Thorne had just reached the airport in the nick of time to catch the plane for their two-week’s vacation in Majorca. “I wish we’d brought the piano with us,” said Mr. Thorne. “What on earth for?” asked his wife.
“I’ve left the tickets on it.”