Hot ‘n Funny Jokes & Videos

Three engineers and three accountants were traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each bought tickets and watched as the three engineers bought only one ticket.
“How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asked an accountant.
“Watch and you’ll see”, answered an engineer.
They all boarded the train. The accountants took their respective seats, but the three engineers all crammed into a rest room and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around collecting tickets. He knocked on the restroom door and said, “Ticket, please”.
The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand.
The conductor took it and moved on.
The accountants saw this and agreed it was a quite clever idea. So, after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers didn’t buy a ticket at all.
“How are you going to ride without a ticket”? said one perplexed accountant.
“Watch and you’ll see”, answered an engineer.
When they boarded the train, the three accountants crammed into a restroom and the three engineers crammed into another one nearby. The train departed. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers left his restroom and walked over to the restroom where the accountants were hiding. He knocked on the door and said, “Ticket, please.”

Q: What’s five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.

Michael was selling a fine horse, and his friend Liam came over with the intention of buying it. “How much is it?” asked Liam, and Pat told him “500 dollars.” Liam was startled, and said, “But sure, I could give only 25 dollars for even such a fine horse.” “Done!” said Michael. Liam was surprised again. “How is it you came down so fast?” Michael smiled and said, “25 dollars is what he’s worth, all right, but you’re my friend, and I thought you’d like owning a 500 dollar horse.”

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A traveling salesman was held up in the west by a rainstorm and flood. He e-mails his office in NY: ?Delayed by storm. Send instructions?
His boss e-mails back: ?Start vacation immediately?

Strolling into a bank, the moron presented a check and asked the teller to cash it. The teller informed the woman that she must first identify herself. Pulling a mirror from a purse the woman looked in it and said, ?Yes sir-it?s me, all right.?

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The VP hobbled in to his house and was greeted by his wife.
?Dear,? she said, startled, ?what are you doing home so early??
?The boss and I had a fight,? he grumbled. ?He would not take back what he said.?
Glowing with pride, his wife asked, ?what did he say?
The VP shrugged. ?You?re fired.?

A man was looking to hire a driver for a bus tour business. Three men applied for the job. He calls one into his office to interview him. The man says that he can put the wheels right on the edge of a bridge, drive, and not fall off. The employer is very impressed. He calls another man in. This man says that he can put the wheels halfway off of a bridge, drive, and not fall off. The employer is again very impressed. He calls the last man in. He says, “I heard what the other two guys said, and I don’t think I could match them. I usually drive in the middle of a bridge”.

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The following is a true story.

Following a miserable year, the CEO of a company called all the Project Managers for a performance review meeting. After giving them a piece of his mind, he asked each Manager to present his/her case. One of the Managers gave a long winding speech of excuses on his Project?s performance over which the CEO got irritated and yelled ?Just tell me Yes or No?. The Manager coolly said ?Yes or No? and sat down!

After a bitter marketing war, in which prices were continually being undercut, Birdseye and the Green Giant got together to settle their differences at a Peas Conference.

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A Cajun named, Jean Paul, moved to Texas and bought a donkey from
an old farmer named Ben for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the
donkey the next day.

The next day, Ben drove up and said, “Sorry, but I have some bad news.
The donkey died.”
“Well, then, just give me the money back,” said Jean Paul
“Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.” Replied Ben
“OK, then. Just unload the donkey,” said Jean Paul.
“What ya going to do with him?” asked Ben.
“I’m going to raffle him off,” said Jean Paul.
“You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!” uttered Ben.
“Sure can. Watch me. I just won’t tell that he’s dead,” said Jean Paul.
A month later Ben met up with the Cajun and asked, “What happened
with that dead donkey?”
“I raffled him off, I did. I sold 500-hunderd tickets at two dollars apiece
and made a profit of $898,” said Jean Paul.
“Didn’t anyone complain?” inquired Ben.
“Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back,? said Jean Paul.