Hot ‘n Funny Jokes & Videos

A mushroom walks into a bar. He sees a pretty lady sitting all by herself so he walks up to her and takes a seat. He offers to buy her a drink. “No way,” she replies, “you are a mushroom.” “Come on now,” he says, “I?m FUNGI (fun-guy)”

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Sitting at the bar, sad Rob told the bartender that he was drinking to forget the heartbreak of his broken engagement. ?Yeah,? said Rob, ?would you marry someone who didn?t know the meaning of the word faithful, and who was flip and even vicious when the subject of fidelity came up?? ? No way in hell? said the bartender.
?Well, said Rob, ?neither would my fianc?e.?

“Waiter! Waiter!” said a guy in a restaurant. 5-55 minutes later. “Waiter! Waiter!” said the guy. In the kitchen, “Someone is calling you, sir,” said the cook to the waiter. “I know. I’m waiting,” said the waiter.

#12087
   

A businesswoman is sitting at a bar. A man approaches her. ?Hi, honey,? he says. ?Want a little company??
?Why?? asks the woman? ?Do you have one to sell?

A small piece of rope climbed onto a barstool. The bartender said he did not serve rope in his bar, and tossed it out to the street. The rope asked a passerby to tie him into a knot, and then ruffle both ends. The rope went back into the bar, the bartender looked down at him and said, “Hey aren?t you that same piece of rope I just tossed out?” the rope responded: no sir ?I am a frayed knot.?

A bear walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The barman says, “Sorry, but we don’t serve beers to bears in this bar.”
The bear bangs on the bar. The barman says, “Sorry, but we don’t serve beers to bears in this bar, especially not bears who bang on bars.”
The bear grabs a passing barmaid and bashes her. The barman says, “Sorry, but we don’t serve beer to bears in this bar, especially not bears that bang on bars and bash barmaids.”
The bear bellows at the other barman to bring him a beer. The barman says, “Sorry, but we don’t serve beer to bears, especially bears that bang on bars, bash barmaids and bellow at barmen.”
In exasperation the bear bites the bar. The barman says, “Sorry, but we don’t serve bears that are on drugs.”
“On drugs?” the bear says. The barman says, “Yes. I saw that bar-bit-u-ate.”

This guy runs into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of water. The bartender ignores him, and instead, pulls out a pistol, stating that they don’t serve water. The guy, then says thanks a lot, and then leaves. The customers, baffled and confused, then asked the bartender why the guy had told him thanks. The bartender then replied, ” Easy, he had the hiccups”.

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A man is in a pawnshop and sees this beautiful Grandfather Clock and winds up buying it. He asks the owner if he can deliver the clock and the owner replies that he cannot make deliveries. So only living a few blocks away the man decides to strap the clock on his back and carry it the few blocks. After a block or so, a drunk comes staggering out of a bar and bumps into the man knocking him down on his back and smashing the clock to bits. He then jumps up and starts cussing the drunk out and saying “look what you did to my beautiful clock you idiot? The drunk then replies, gee buddy I?m really sorry why don?t you wear a wristwatch like everyone else.

#3994
   

Two strings go into a bar and ask for a drink each. The Bartender says, “I’m sorry, we don’t let strings drink here.” The two strings leave and go into another bar and ask for a drink each. The Bartender of this bar says, “I’m sorry, I’m not allowed to let strings drink.” One of the strings gives up. The other bashes himself into walls, winds himself up, and rubs against the carpet. When the string goes into the bar, he asks for a drink. The Bartender says, “Sure! By the way, you haven’t seen a couple of strings walking around, have you?” The string replies, “Sorry! I’m afraid not!” (A frayed knot)

#5033
   

All of a sudden this huge extra-extra strong mint walks into a pub, he sits down and starts boasting about how he’s the strongest mint and how he could win any fight, then another mint walks in, the extra-extra strong mint dives under a table! Someone asks him “I thought you where the strongest mint around???” “I know!” he replies, “but he’s menthol”.?

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