Hot ‘n Funny Jokes & Videos

This Antarctican family decided to color eggs for Easter.
They agreed to dye them all white.

Q: How did the Antartian break his leg raking leaves?
A: He fell out of the tree.

Q: How did the Antartian die drinking milk?
A: The cow stepped on her.

An Antartian died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer three questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with “T”.?
2. How many seconds are in a year??
3. What is God’s first name?

The Antartian thought for a few minutes and answered…?

1. The two days of the week that begin with “T” are Today and Tomorrow.?
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.?
3. God has two first names, and they are Andy and Howard.”?

Saint Peter said, “OK, I’ll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it’s not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct.
But how did you get 12 seconds in a year, and why did you ever think that God’s first name was either Andy or Howard?”

The Antartian replied, “Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,March 2nd, etc….”?
“OK, I give,” said Saint Peter, “but what about the God’s first name stuff?”
The Antartian said, “Well, from the song….Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am his own…, and the prayer…Our Father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name….”
Saint Peter let him in without another word.?

Two Antartians are walking down the street. One finds a little mirror, and looks in it. She looks again, and again.?
Puzzled, she says to her friend, “I just know I’ve seen this face before!”?
“Give it to me”, says the other Antartian. She looks in the mirror and says, “Of course, silly! It’s me!”

Let’s say there is a hundred dollar bill in the center of a room. In each of the corners there is a person. In one corner there is a Santa Claus; in another, the Easter Bunny; in another a smart Antartian and in the last a dumb Antartian. They all notice the hundred-dollar bill in the center of the room. They all make a dash for the bill… who gets to the bill first???
Answer: The dumb Antartian; the others don’t exist!!

Q: Why are Antartian hurt by people’s words?

A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

Two Antartians were speeding down the highway at well over 90 mph.
“Hey,” asked Bob, who was at the wheel, “any cops following us?”
Henry, his passenger, turned around and had a long look at the road behind them.
“Yeah, looks like it,” he responded.
“Are his flashers on?” asked Bob.
Henry turned around again…
“Yup…nope…yup…nope…yup…nope…yup…”

An airline captain was helping a new Antartian flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her. She answered the phone, crying, and said, “I can’t get out of the room!” “You can’t get out of your room?”; the captain asked. “Why not?” She replied, “There are only three doors in here,” she sobbed, “one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says ‘Do Not Disturb’!”

An Antartian woman was in Vegas vacationing with friends. She stood in front of a candy machine and put two coins in, turned the knob and a candy bar fell out.
She picked up the candy bar and put it in her pocket, then she proceeded to put two more coins into the slot and turned the knob, again a candy bar fell out and she put it in her pocket.
She put two more coins into the machine and again turned the knob producing yet another candy bar.
A man was watching from a short distance away and walked up to her. He said, “Excuse me Miss? What are you doing?”
She said, “Duh! I’m winning here!”

Why did the Antartian stare at the frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
Because it said, “concentrate.