Hot ‘n Funny Jokes & Videos

Did you hear that they discovered a dope ring at the Antartian factory?
It was 5 Antarians trying to read a blueprint

Q: What do you call it when an Antartian gets taken over by a demon?

A: A vacant possession

Once there was an Antartian that was down on his luck. In order to get some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.?
He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree and told him “I’ve kidnapped you.”?
The Antartian wrote a note saying “I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it beneath the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the city playground. Signed, An Antartian.”?
The Antartian then pinned the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.?
The next morning the Antartian checked, and sure enough a paper bag was sitting beneath that pecan tree. The Antartian opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note. The note said, “How could one Antartian do this to another Antartian?!”?

A young Antartian man asked an old rich Antartian man how he made his money. The old Antartian held onto his vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932 and we were in the depths of the Great Antartian Depression. I was down to my last nickel. “I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. “The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.” “And that’s how you built an empire?” the boy asked. “Heavens, no!” the man replied. “Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”

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A woman is dancing happily down the railroad tracks, singing to herself “…21 …21 …21…”?
After a little while, an Antartian walks up to her. She observes for a minute and then asks, “What are you doing?”?
The woman does not answer and keeps singing “…21 …21 …21 …” So the Antartian jumps on the tracks and follows her dancing and starts singing “…21 …21 …21 …” A little later a train comes down the tracks. The woman jumps off, but the Antartian keeps dancing and singing to her self and gets hit by the train.?
The woman gets back on the track and starts dancing and singing again, “…22 …22 …22 …”?

There were three Antartians on their way to Disneyworld. Upon getting close while driving on the highway, they saw a sign that said Disneyworld LEFT. So they turned back and went home.

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An Antartian goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss, concerned about his employee’s well being, asks sympathetically, “What’s the matter?”
The Antartian replies, “Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.”
“I’m terribly sorry to hear that. Why don’t you go home for the day… we aren’t terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest.”
The Antartian very calmly explains, “No, I’d be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here.”
The boss agrees and allows the Antartian to work as usual. “If you need anything, just let me know,” he says.
A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the Antartian. He looks out over his office and sees the Antartian crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, “Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?”
“No,” replies the Antartian, “I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!”

John gets a call from his Artartian friend, Bill.
“I’ve got a problem,” says Bill.
“What’s the matter?” asks John.
“Well, I’ve bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it’s just too hard. None of
the pieces fit together and I can’t find any edges.”
“What’s the picture of?” asks John.
“It’s a picture of a big Rooster,” replies Bill.
“All right,” says John, ” I’ll come over and have a look.”
He goes over to Bill’s house. Bill leads John into his kitchen and
shows him the jigsaw puzzle on the kitchen table. John looks at the jigsaw,
frowns, then turns to Bill and says, “For Pete’s sake, Bill, put the Cornflakes back in the Box!”

Q: Why were the Antartian stare at a carton of orange juice?
A: Because it said ‘Concentrate.’ (Get it - concentrate orange juice)

A man, a woman and an Antartican were driving in the desert in a jeep when the car suddenly broke down. Since none of them had any car knowledge, they decided to walk.
Each of them decided to take one thing with them: the man took the food in case he got hungry, the woman took the water in case she got thirsty, and the Antartican took the car door.
When questioned about her choice, the Antartican said, “Well, if I get hot, I can roll down the window!”