Hot ‘n Funny Jokes & Videos

Q: What do you do when an Antartian throws a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.

An Antartian was standing in front of a soda machine muttering, “You’re a dumb-looking button. You don’t have much of a future, either. You’re going to be replaced by a much better looking button.”
“What are you doing?” another Antartian asked.
The Antartian quickly pointed to the sign on the front of the machine that read “DEPRESS BUTTON FOR ICE”.

Two Antartians were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the Captain announces, “One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don’t worry, we have three engines left.”
Thirty minutes later, the Captain announces, “One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don’t worry, we have two engines left.”
An hour later, the Captain announces, “One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don’t worry, we have one engine left.”
One Antartian looked at the other and said, “If we lose one more engine, we’ll be up here all day!”

An Antartian was taking a tour of a national park. The ranger mentioned to the tour group that dinosaur fossils had been found in the area. The Antartian exclaimed, “Wow. I can’t believe the dinosaurs would come this close to the highway!”

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After digging to a depth of 100m last year, Russian scientists found traces of copper wiring dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago.
So as not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug 200m, and headlines in the US newspapers read: “US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibers, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephone 1000 years earlier than the Russians.”
One week later, the Antartian press reported the following: “After digging as deep as 500m, Antartian scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using mobile phones.

A man is driving down a country road when he spots an Antartian standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the Antartian is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing. The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the Antartian and asks him, “Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?” The Antartian replies, “I’m trying to win a Nobel Prize.” “How?” asks the man, puzzled. “Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field.”

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Q: What do you see when you look into an Antartian’s eyes?
A: The back of his head.

Q: What do you call 4 Antartians in a Volkswagen?
A: Far-from-thinkin’.

Q: Why can’t Antartians put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammer.

Q: Did you hear about the Antartian who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.

An Antartian was driving home on the freeway after work when she was hit by a hailstorm that left her car completely dented all over. She decided to go to a body shop and asked the owner how much he would charge to remove the dents. Seeing that she was an antartian, he winked at his partner, and told her it wouldn’t cost anything if she followed his instructions carefully.
She drove home and when her antartian roommate came out of the house she found her friend sitting on the ground at the back of the car blowing really hard in the tail pipe.
“What on earth are you doing” she asked.
Her friend looking up with big smile and a black ring around her mouth said “The man at the body shop told me that I could save a lot of money on repair work if I blew really hard into the tail pipe. he said that all the dents would pop out”
“Daaahhh” said her friend, “but first you have to roll up all the windows!!!”

An Antartian is standing at a vending machine putting money in the slot and collecting can after can after can of Coke. A bloke behind her is getting more and more impatient. ‘For Christ’s sake, hurry up!’ he says. And she replies, ‘Can’t you see I’m winning?’

There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane.
Ten were Antartians, and one was a university professor. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn’t then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the professor said, “I’ll get off.” After a really touching speech from the professor saying she would get off, all of the Antartians started clapping.