Hot ‘n Funny Jokes & Videos

Q. What did the dog say when he sat on sand paper?
A. “Rough rough”.
Q. Why did the ape run around with a piece of raw meat on his head?
A. He thought he was a gorilla. (griller)!

Two robins were lying on their backs, basking in the sun. A mama cat and her kitten were walking by. The kitten complained, “Mamma, I’m soooo hungry. What can we eat?” To which the mamma cat, spying the two birds, replied, “How about some baskin’ robbins?”

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Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. “In the last 15 races, I’ve won 8 of them!”
Another horse breaks in, “Well in the last 27 races, I’ve won 19!!”
“Oh that’s good, but in the last 36 races, I’ve won 28!? says another, flicking his tail.
At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. “I don’t mean to boast,” Says the greyhound, “but in my last 90 races, I’ve won 88 of them!”
The horses are clearly amazed. “Wow!” says one, after a hushed silence. “A talking dog.”

A frog telephones a psychic hotline and is told, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”

“Great,” says the frog, “Will I meet her at a party?”

“No,” said the psychic, “Next year - in biology class.”

One ant was running across an unopened box of crackers and urging another to speed up. ?But why do we have to hurry?? said one. ?Can you read, you nut! It says, ?Tear along the dotted line??.

A man who worked in a cruise liner as a magician had a parrot and every time the man did a trick the parrot yelled, ?it?s in the pocket,? ?it?s in the pocket,? the magician would do another trick and the parrot yelled, ?it?s in the hat?, ?it?s in the hat.?
One day during his act the cruise liner had a problem and the ship sunk. The parrot came up from the water and looking confused said; ?NOW WHERE DID HE HIDE THE SHIP.?

Q: Why do seagulls live by the sea?
A: Because if they lived by the bay, they would be bagels.

A city man was tooling down a country road when his car sputtered to a complete stop near a field filled with cows. The driver, getting out to see what was the matter, noticed one of the cows looking at him. “I believe it’s your radiator,” said the cow.
The man nearly jumped right out of his city slicker britches! He ran to the nearest farmhouse and knocked on the door. “A cow just gave me advice about my car!” he shouted, waving his arms franticly back toward the field.
The farmer nonchalantly leaned out beyond the doorframe to glance down the field. “The cow with two big black spots on it?” the farmer asked slowly.
“Yes! Yes! That’s the one!” the excited man replied.
“Oh. Well, that’s Ethel,” the farmer said, turning back to the man. “Don’t pay any attention to her. She doesn’t know a thing about cars.”

A man started a new job at a zoo. He was given his first job by the zoo owner ? to clean out the large tropical fish tank, which contained many exotic species.

While removing some gravel from the tank with his spade, he accidently hit one of the fish and killed it. Worried about losing his job for this mistake, he decided to hide the evidence. He took the fish and fed it to the lions because lions eat anything.

The zoo owner did not notice the missing fish and gave the man a new job ? to muck out the chimps. He was in the middle of mucking out when two of the chimps became a bit over familiar and, in an attempt to get them away the man lashed out with his spade, killing two chimps. In his panic he decided to hide the evidence and fed the unfortunate chimpanzees to the lions because lions eat anything.

The zoo owner was pleased with the man?s work and as his final task for the day he asked him to collect honey from the zoo?s beehives. The man tried hard to do this without upsetting the bees, but some got angry and stung him. He grabbed his spade and whirled it above his head, squashing and killing several dozen bees. Plagued with guilt, he fed these to the lions as well because lions eat anything.

The next day, a new lion arrived at the zoo. He enquired of the existing residents ?what?s the food like here?? One of the zoo?s resident lions said, ?Oh, it?s great. Only yesterday we had fish, chimps and mushy bees.?

Q: What do you call a blind deer?
A: A no-eyed deer (say it out loud)

Q: What do you call a blind deer with no legs?
A: A still no-eyed deer.