Hot ‘n Funny Jokes & Videos

 Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To show the armadillo that it was possible.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get away from Colonel Sanders!

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road twice?
A: Because it was a double-crosser.

Q: Why did the Iraqi chicken cross the road?
A: To take over the other side.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the beach?
A: To get to the other tide.

Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: Chickens hadn’t evolved yet.

A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds.
His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”
The frog is thrilled, “This is great! Will I meet her at a party?” he croaks.
“No,” says the psychic, “in biology class.”

THE CAT:
One day, a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven, where he meets the Lord Himself.
The Lord says to the cat, “You lived a good life, and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more comfortable, please let me know.”
The cat thinks for a moment and says, “Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor.”
The Lord stops the cat and says, “Say no more,” and a wonderful, fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident, and all of them go to heaven.
Again, the Lord is there to greet them with the same offer.
The mice answer, “All our lives we have been chased.
We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms.
Running, running, running; we’re tired of running.
Do you think we could have roller skates so that we don’t have to run anymore?”
The Lord says, “Say no more” and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.
Week later, the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow.
The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, “How are things since you got here?”
The cat stretches and yawns, then replies, “It is wonderful here.
Better than I could have ever expected. And those ‘Meals On Wheels’ you’ve been sending by are the best!”

Two little skunks called In and Out were playing in the woods. Out went home, and his mother said, ?Where?s In? Go and get him, there?s a good boy.? So Out went back into
the woods and returned very shortly with his bother.
?That?s a good boy,? said Mother Skunk, ?how did you find him so quickly??
?Easy,? said the little skunk, ?In stunk??

Two goats wandered into the junkyard and had a field day. One of them spent a particularly long time bent over a spool of film. When he was finished, the other goat came over. ?So, did you enjoy the film??
The goat replied, ?To tell you the truth, I liked the book better.?

The difference between men and women
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells, “PIG!”
The man immediately leans out his window and replies, “Stupid!”
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner he slams into a pig in the middle of the road.

Two monkeys were discussing evolution:
“You mean to tell me that I really am my keeper’s brother?”

A Hamster, a Cat and a Dog all live in the same house. The Hamster decided she wanted to go on a journey, so she packed a bag and put on her favorite hat and started on her way. The Cat noticed the Hamster was preparing to leave so she decided since there wouldn’t be anyone to chase she would follow just far enough behind the hamster as to not tip her off. She packed a bag and put on her favorite sweater. Then waited for the hamster to be just far enough away. Then she followed. The Dog noticed the Cat was leaving he didn’t want to be left alone with no one there to chase. So packed what he could carry in a small bag and grabbed his favorite chew toy. Then waited just long enough for the Cat to get a little further away and then followed just far enough behind as to not tip off the Cat. Then as the Dog was following the Cat and the Cat was following the Hamster the local animal control caught the Dog and the Cat. While the Hamster looked on with a big grin from ear to ear.

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One day, snake, turtle and centipede are having a party. After two cases of beer are gone, they want to go get some more beers. So they discuss who’s going to go get the beers. The turtle says, “I will go, you both just wait here.” Two hours later, the turtle hasn’t back yet, so the centipede says, ?I will go.? So they open the door and see, turtle still walking out of the door. Because turtle walk too slow, the centipede says, ?You both wait for me to come back, I got a lot of legs, I can walk fast.? So the snake and the turtle, wait for another two hours. Finally the snake is says, ?What will take centipedes that long? So they open the door and check, wow, centipedes still at the front of the door, he is still putting on his shoes. Finally, snake said ?let me go, I can walk fast, and no feet to put on shoes.? So snake went. After three hours, snake wasn’t back yet. Both of them went to the store and see. And they saw snake stand there. And the snake says, ” Don’t give me that dirty look, only took me 5 minutes to the store, but I am still figuring out how to bring the beer back.”

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If a flea and a fly pass each other, what time is it?
Fly past flea.